MY FAVORITE LOADS (2004-2006)

1. JESSE O TOOLE (Cumsloppy Buttholes)....2. BRAD MCGUIRE (HOLE MILK and STORM SURGE)....3. IAN RAWLINGS (all 3 Cre8tive Juices movies and almost all of his loads were memorable)...4. AUSTIN SHADOW (Storm Surge)....5. BUDDY LONG (Storm Drain)

ERAGON

I'm a big fan of dragon movies (with DRAGONSLAYER, DRAGONHEART #1 and the dragon scene in HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE being my favorites..until now, that is). ERAGON is a big-budget dragon-lovers goldmine, even though it's execution, at times, feels like it could have used a little more time or more of a budget in post-production. Still, as dragon movies go (and lets face it: Sci-Fi Channel may TRY to make good dragon movies, but they just don't measure up in the end), ERAGON has a bute of a specimen, voiced by Academy Award winner Rachel Weisz. For those who don't know, ERAGON was written by Chris Paolini when he was just 15 years old. A second book is on shelves now, with the concluding chapter of the trilogy still being written. I havent read the books, and glad i hadn't when I saw the movie. I went with Ian Rawlings, who had read the book, and he was SUPREMELY upset with the film adaptation. As with lots of book-to-film projects, entire sections are left out and even rewritten to fit into a 2 hour piece of work. So I got to see the movie as just what it was, and I give ERAGON a B-

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM

In the tradition of JUMANJI and ZATHURA comes another similar-themed tale of beasts, warriors and other items of interest coming to life and chasing main characters around a set piece for nearly two hours. But what the first two movies lacked was pure in-your-face comedy- the kind provided by the likes of Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Robin Williams (oh wait...Sir Robin was also in JUMANJI). Now to MUSEUM: the plot, in a nutshell, is Ben becomes the night watchman at a Natural History Museum in New York City where, after midnight, all the displays come to life until sunrise. Mixing themes of father/son bonding, getting the girl, making peace between display items such as cowboys and Romans with high-concept adventure, MUSEUM takes a bit of time to draw you in, but once it does the movie gets better and better exponentially up until the very end. Oh, and Dick Van Dyke gives his best performance in years (not that he's exactly been much since MATLOCK)...but what a treat it must be for him to see himself doing Matrix-like fight moves with Stiller in the finale. As movies go, NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM doesn't achieve anything brilliant, not that it's even attempting to. Instead, looked at as pure Xmas escapism, the movie's a blast. B

TOP 20, in review

20. THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW (syndication), 19. EUREKA (Sci-Fi), 18. SCRUBS (NBC), 17. CAMPUS LADIES (Oxygen), 16. GREG THE BUNNY (IFC), 15. SOUTH PARK (Comedy Central), 14. 30 ROCK (NBC), 13. THE CLASS (CBS), 12. MADTv (Fox Latenight), 11. ENTOURAGE (HBO), 10. LOST (ABC), 9. DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (ABC), 8. SMALLVILLE (The CW), 7. VERONICA MARS (The CW), 6. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (NBC Latenight), 5. HEROES (NBC), 4. LITTLE BRITAIN (BBCAmerica), 3. UGLY BETTY (ABC), 2. HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER (CBS), 1. PROJECT RUNWAY (BRAVO)............The Top Networks: 1. NBC (4 programs), 2. ABC (3 programs), 3.[TIE] CBS and The CW (2 programs each), 5. FOX (1 program)

BEST OF TV 2006: 5-1

NUMBER FIVE: HEROES (NBC): All the attention seemed to be focused on STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP on Mondays on NBC when the fall season began. But out of left field came this multi-character hero ensemble (though the success of XMEN and SUPERMAN RETURNS had to have some sort of effect). Each week I become more and more engrossed in this great-looking series. What is even more cool is that the series is very much an adult show and not some kiddie-knockoff. I mean, where else on network or cable television do you get a superhero show that isnt afraid to show people get their skulls sliced clean open one moment and making jokes about jumping into the time/space continuum the next? NUMBER FOUR: LITTLE BRITAIN (BBCAmerica): This import is the funniest sketch comedy show EVER! And that's saying a LOT coming from the guy who's been a fan of Saturday Night Live for 25 years out of its 32-year existence. I have seasons 1 and 2 on DVD and the third season was just released. I am waiting for new episodes to arrive on BBCAmerica. And for optimistic gays: the two lead men who headline the show just got married in real-life. NUMBER THREE: UGLY BETTY (ABC): I had high hopes for BETTY when she premiered in early October, but I had NO clue the show would capture my attention the way it has. First, the look of BETTY has a style all it's own: which is no wonder since the backdrop of the show takes place in a high-fashion magazine world. Second, the blending of comedy and drama is picture-perfect, and the casting of America Ferrara in the lead, and Eric Mabius and Vanessa Williams was nothing short of brilliant. Kudos also to the actors who play the snob receptionist and the gay assistant: I can't remember their names this year, but will surely know them by heart come next year. UGLY BETTY has a strong gay following, and it's surprise why: fashion seems to be in vogue with fag boys everywhere. Just witness: NUMBER ONE: PROJECT RUNWAY (Bravo): Yes, the best show on TV doesnt appear on the Big Five network schedules, but rather on the cable outlet Bravo. This, along with QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY has put Bravo on the map, and with TOP CHEF and TOP DESIGNER picking up the audience leftover between RUNWAY cycles, Bravo shouldnt be losing any steam anytime soon. I dont know when the 4th round of RUNWAY will begin, but I am certainly jonesing for it. My favorite season is Numero Uno, just because it was new and my little secret. The best CAST though is season 2 (Go Daniel V and Andre and sexy Nick!). And it just goes to show you how great a show like PR is when a HORRIBLE season 3 couldnt even stop me from ranking PROJECT RUNWAY as THE BEST SHOW OF 2006! Bravo, INDEED!

BEST OF TV 2006: 10-6

NUMBER 10: LOST (ABC): This show probably had the biggest fall from grace for me this year. The first 6 episodes focused almost entirely on Jack, Sawyer, Kate and The Others - leaving very little screen time for some of my favorite Losties on the main island. Personally, I could care less about who Kate wants to bone her, nor do I care to see these main characters constantly locked up behind bars and locked into underwater tanks. I also don't want to spend half of my hour in flashbacks. What I DO want is to see this story move forward more quickly. Because if it doesn't, shows like fast-paced shows like HEROES will continue to drive LOST further and further away from my interest. NUMBER 9: DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES (ABC): The novelty of the first season is over...and the nauseum of the second season has subsided. That leaves a wonderful return to form for season three. I have enjoyed DH a lot this year so far, and the only reason it has slipped is because of my desire to promote some great new shows that premiered on the tele this season. So unlike LOST, which I found reasons to complain about, I can't find much at all from Desperate Housewives to complain about. GO BREE! NUMBER 8: SMALLVILLE (The CW): Here's one of those Better-Late-Then-Never shows that I discovered. SMALLVILLE is now in its 6th year, but I just recently got into it after buying the first 3 seasons on DVD. Now I know what all the fuss is about. Tom Welling is BEYOND hot, and the show does an excellent job of creating new interesting stores while continuing to stay faithful to the mythology of Superman. NUMBER 7: VERONICA MARS (The CW): Here is a close runner -up to LOST in the "Losing Interest" department. After two excellent years in high school, Veronica lost her mo-jo when she went to college. The Campus Rapist storyline just ended (YEE-HAW), so here's hoping to a better, more intelligent Second Big Mystery. The fans DESERVE it. NUMBER 6: SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE (NBC): Even though the show is in another creative slump, 32 years is hard to just ignore. True fans of SNL already know that there will forever be creative bumps..that's why we stick them out until the Next Great Ensemble comes together. Already, Andy Samberg is one of my all-time favorite performers, and Amy Poehler is doing some of the best work of her career (whew: Nancy GRACE is spot on). The SNL DIGITAL SHORTS are modern masterpieces and I am looking forward to getting the compilation disc when it comes out. Until then, SNL SEASON 1 found its way into my stocking over XMAS and I will be watching the classics right along with the new output.

BEST OF TV 2006: 15-11

NUMBER 15: SOUTH PARK (Comedy Central): It's hard to believe that the best cartoon comedy is over 10 years old now (Sorry, SIMPSONS...and FAMILY GUY, and KING OF THE HILL..and the other FOX cartoons). It's SOUTH PARK that keeps me in stitches..it also helps that SOUTH PARK is the most timely: the creators can take a current controversial topic and get an episode about it on the air in weeks (witness the hilarious OFFING of Chef this year). I also enjoyed the recent episode of Mr Garrison getting fucked in all his glory on cable. Bravo! NUMBER 14: 30 ROCK (NBC): I started this fall season with my highest hopes set on STUDIO 60 ON THE SUNSET STRIP because I am a HUGE HUGE HUGE SNL fan. But after two episodes, I tuned STUDIO 60 out. Instead, 30 ROCK was the pleasant surprise of the season. Tina Fey's comedy gets better and better every week...and Alec Baldwin is my comedy idol. He blows most other SNL guest hosts out of the park, and is the perfect fit to this SNL-friendly cast (Rachel Dratch, Tracy Morgan). Now that 30 ROCK is part of the revamped MUST-SEE TV (joining THE OFFICE, MY NAME IS EARL and SCRUBS), let's hope the rest of America soon discovers 30 ROCK, too. NUMBER 13: THE CLASS (CBS): yeah, this show was a disappointment, but it still makes me laugh consistently. It was picked up for a full season, albeit a shortened one (19 episodes instead of the standard 22), which worries me that CBS won't bring it back for season 2. But hey, that's life, and THE CLASS celebrates it with hardy-har-heart. NUMBER 12: MADTV (Fox): It's official: the latest cast ensemble has grown on me enough to watch it regularly again. I was MORE than a little sad after Stephanie Weir and Mo Collins left the show in recent years. It's always been the women that have made MADTV so much fun (and the brilliant Michael McDonald), but HELL if Bobby Lee is the funniest damn comic out there. He is fearless in his attempts to make you laugh (which regularly mean having the guy drop his pants and show his family jewels whenever possible. In fact, a recent skit mocked fun at how addicted Bobby Lee is with his nudism). NUMBER 11: ENTOURAGE (HBO): Let's hear it for the boys! Week in and week out, Adrien Grenier and his posse make LA look horrible and fun at the same time. And Emmy winner Jeremy Piven can blow his load up my ass anytime he wishes (which to him is probably never, but I don't care). The rest of Season 3 concludes in early 2007, and then it's season 4 later on down the road.

BEST TV 2006: 20-16

Here are my 20 favorite TV shows of 2006. It is an account of shows that are currently in production (though not necessarily currently on the air), which is why we see PROJECT RUNWAY, but not WILL & GRACE. I have blocked things into 4 groupings: here are the slots occupied by 20 through 16. NUMBER 20: THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW (syndicated): I tried to get into Megan Mullaly and Rachael Ray, but it was Ellen's show that consistently entertained me and made me laugh. Her show is the perfect program to watch while sweating my ass crackoff on the treadmill. ....NUMBER 19: EUREKA! (Sci-Fi): In 2007 Sci-Fi delivers us THE DRESDEN FILES, based on the books of everyone's favorite wizard/private eye hybrid. I am looking forward to it, but for 2006, I got my Sci-Fi fix by watching the quirky EUREKA. I find Colin Ferguson to be a perfect speciman of a man: he makes me hard as he makes me laugh...PERFECTO! Anyone who has seen DIRECT DEPOSIT, HOLE MILK or STORM SURGE already knows that I like a little humor with my boner. I will admit that the quality of the Eureka's were a hit and miss, episodically. But with a greenlight for season 2, I am hoping the producers will fix what's broken. And this show DOES have some broken parts...but since it IS about inventions, I have complete faith that all will be well again in summer 2007. And before anyone nails me for not mentioning BATTLESTAR GALACTICA on my Top 20 list, it's ONLY because I have yet to see the series. I know it's getting great reviews, and maybe I will start viewing BG next year. NUMBER 18: SCRUBS (NBC): This is year 6, and it's as brilliant as ever. I totally dig the tone of the show: quirky, comedic, and at times dramatic. By now, I know the characters, and Zach Braff is a brilliant talent (GARDEN STATE, anyone?). Hospital shows have always been hard for me to stomach (chalk it up to a year as a nurses aid en route to a failed attempt at a nursing career for me back in 1996), so that's why you won't find ER, HOUSE or the very good GREY'S ANATOMY on my Top 20 List. NUMBER 17: CAMPUS LADIES (Oxygen): Season 2 just kicked off, and it's just as funny as season 1, if not funnier. ANYONE who has ever gone to college and lived in the dorms will appreciate CAMPUS LADIES: it nails it..a believable dorm comedy. I went to Eastern Illinois University from 1988 to 1993 and lived in Taylor Hall and I was involved in campus and hall government. This show takes me back to that time in my life. YEAH! NUMBER 16: GREG THE BUNNY (Independent Film Channel): One of my favorite TV ON DVD discoveries a couple years ago was FOX's too-soon-to-be-canned GREG THE BUNNY with Seth Green. Little did I know that GREG first started out on IFC, and right now is enjoying a third round of independent film spoofs. It's a great way for me to enjoy new content of Greg (and knowing that he isn't just a sock getting moldy on a shelf some where makes me sleep better at night). On IFC, Greg gets to get high, say the F-word and show some flesh (both male and female), on a regular basis. It's 15 minutes of pure entertainment every week (and you can familiarize yourself with Greg with both the FOX show and the IFC originals, all out on DVD)

MARINE CRUCIBLE 2

I just finished filming my 3-way sex scene for my next Centaur movie two weeks ago. Last weekend I did some B-roll leading into a 5-man orgy scene, and there is a chance I will be involved in one more scene for the movie when production resumes after the holiday. It was great to get to be back in front of the cameras for a major condom film release. The last condom film I shot was THE SHAFT for Raging Stallion back in September of 2004. I have never liked the idea of certain studios and directors black-listing models if the model was found out to have done a bareback movie, so from a political standpoint I will do my best to get at least one condom film out per year: just to show models, studios and directors that the head honchos at the studios can not and WILL NOT control my career. Studios that have an anti-bareback policy in place are TITAN, Lucas Films and Chi Chi La Rue's Channel One Releasing and the ilk. I BELIEVE Falcon has reversed their anti-bareback policy, though I am not certain. Most, if not all, of the other condom studios freely employ both bareback and condom only models...with Raging Stallion and Centaur Films being the two studios that have actively hired me AFTER I have done my bareback films.

R.I.P. Andy Dill

I was saddened last week at the passing of my GAY DREAMS 2 screen partner Andy Dill of meningitis in San Francisco. Andy and I had GREAT chemistry on the set. He not only got my cock bone hard, but when we weren't bumping our privates together, he had me laughing at his sense of humor. I think I am still in a bit of shock here... I will miss him dearly.

MARCUS ALLEN: The Latest...

Man tells family he killed for cashBy Howard Pankratz Denver Post Staff WriterArticle Last Updated:11/29/2006 06:10:31 PM MSTTimothy John Boham was being sought by Denver police in connection with the murder on Monday, Nov. 13, 2006 of John Kelso. (Denver Police)A male model who acted in gay sex movies told his family he killed Denver businessman John "JP" Kelso because he wanted the $100,000 to $400,000 Kelso kept in his household safe, according to court documents. Timothy J. Boham, 25, said he planned to use the money to go to South America with his girlfriend, he told his mother and sister shortly after the shooting, the records allege. But he said his plan went awry when Kelso refused to open the safe, and there was a brief struggle during which he accidentally shot Kelso, according to the records. Boham told his family that when he cut the safe open it was empty and "so he had done this for nothing," according to a police affidavit. A subdued Boham appeared in Denver County Court on Wednesday where he waived the reading of the charges against him, which include first-degree murder and aggravated robbery. His preliminary hearing was set for mid-January. Police were called to Kelso's home in the 3600 block of East Seventh Avenue on Nov. 13 by one of Kelso's employees who said he had found Kelso in the bathtub. Kelso had a gunshot wound to the head, police said. Kelso was founder of Professional Recovery Systems, a Denver collection agency. Boham was one of Kelso's employees. Police said in the affidavit for Boham's arrest that friends and co-workers told them Kelso had, in the past, hired male escorts to whom he presented gifts. The co-workers believed that Kelso had developed a relationship with Boham, the affidavit said. Police were able to track Boham with the help of Katherine Boham, Boham's sister, and his mother, Susan Stone, who called police after they had talked to Boham. They told investigators that Boham told them he was going to Mexico and gave officers Boham's cell-phone number. Authorities were able to track the phone to Phoenix and then into Mexico. On Nov. 14, Denver Detective Randy Denison received a phone call from Boham, who had called the detective at the urging of his mother. Court documents said that during the conversation, Boham admitted shooting Kelso during a robbery attempt. He also told Denison that he had disposed of bloody clothing and handcuffs in a creek in southeast Denver and that he had thrown away the safe, jewelry and a gun just off a trail near Sedalia. Boham was arrested Nov. 16 near the Mexican border in Arizona by customs officers.